That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
