He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
