What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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