chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drunk is not a location!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
