so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
