I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
