I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
