k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
