Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
