hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
