I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
