Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
