I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
