do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
