I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
