I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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