It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
