You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
