I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
