Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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