Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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