dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
