Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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