why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
