It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
