My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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