Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
