Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
