I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
