I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
