Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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