Cold hands, warm shart.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
