I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
