why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
