he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
