can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
