just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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