If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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