He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
