My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
