You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
