our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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