so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
