I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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