Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
