i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
