i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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