I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
