i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We have started to decorate penises.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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