Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
