In the future we'll all be gay
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
