Don't make out with my wife yet
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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