38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
how drunk are you?
Several
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
