my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
