i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
