she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
how drunk are you?
Several
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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