Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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